This is Life
by DarthMii
Summary: She looked at her reflection and saw monster not a Jedi. Who would ever care about she had done? Who would ever know? It was not their fault, she now knew that. She could only hope that wherever they were that they would forgive her.


Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars: The Clone Wars

She had done it. She had killed her entire squad. She could not believe it when she looked back at what she had done. They had shot at her even Rex, her lover. They had wanted to kill her. It was a bloody battle for sure but she had walked away alive. After she felt the surge in the force caused by the death of the Jedi, did she know. It was too late though. The war was over, she knew it but it had led to a dictatorship not a peaceful republic. Her master was the one who had tried to kill her.

Ahsoka bent down at a river to wash her face and hands. She looked at her reflection and saw a monster that had killed her squad because they thought she was a traitor. One of her headtails had been blasted away. It was still bloody, mutilated and would always look that way. On her face was a deep bloody cut that ran all the away across her face. She was now blind in one eye because of the cut. They had done all they could to kill her even after she had destroyed their blasters. The orders were instilled in their brains, it was like a disease that they couldn't fight against. Ahsoka realized that it was not their fault. It was what they were, what they were made for and the reason they had tried to kill her. Ahsoka looked down at her lightsaber, her weapon. She had used it to kill. She had done it in self-defense but was it worth it? Was it worth the hurt, guilt or anger? She should have let them kill her. _There is no Chaos, there is harmony_. What was that? She had been fighting Chaos all her life and she had made it too. She looked again at her reflection in the water. She again saw a monster who killed people and destroyed the peace of the universe. She washed her wounds with the water. She was scarred for life both physically and emotionally. What was she? A pawn no one cared about. In a few years, no one would remember who she was or what she had done. In a few years, war would come again and more people would die. It was life but what was life worth? She had one, she had taken more than one and she too would lose her own, someday.

Ahsoka took off her Akul headdress and looked at it. She had worn it proudly but why? No one cared if she had it and no one would ever remember it except her. When she was gone what would it mean? Nothing. Ahsoka got up and walked away from the pool back to where her squad laid dead. She knew each by name and she who they were. They were her friends, warriors like her and her brothers. She knew now that it was not their fault. She forgave them and she hoped that wherever they were now that they forgave her for killing them.

Ahsoka went over to clones and talked to each of them even in death. She asked for their forgiveness and apologized. She made a grave for each of them. They deserved better than to be left out to rot away. They were each unseen heroes. The world would never know but she would know. Each time before she covered their bodies, she took one of her akul teeth from her headdress and put it one on top of them. It was not much but it was all she had. The last clone she buried was Rex. Before she buried him, she took off his helmet and put her lips to his dead cold ones. Fire against ice. Light against darkness. Life against death. It was their last kiss. He would never be able to speak or touch her lips again. She in loyalty would never love another or kiss another person. The kiss lasted for a minute. When she drew away, she put one of the akul teeth on top of his heart. She took her lightsaber and placed it beside him. It would be his forever. She would be his forever. She looked at his face one last time and saw a peaceful look on his face.

After she had buried his body, she looked one last time at the graves then walked away without ever turning back. There were tears in her eyes. She would never see them again in this life. She would never be a Jedi again. She would never be Ahsoka Tano again. The togruta walked away an ocean sadder yet a sea wiser.

This was life. Her life.


End file.
